Title: iTunes Challenge
Rating: C for Crack (but also bad language & sexually suggestive situations)
Pairing: a mixed bag to be sure
Summary: Thanks to![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
kitnkabootle for the challenge! And thanks to everyone that’s posted theirs. I’m looking forward to reading them all along with the Valentines Day stories.
Disclaimer: I am not the creator of the characters in this story. That credit goes to Lauren Weisberger, for the novel she wrote in 2003 and to 20th Century Fox, for the movie produced in 2006.
A/N: This challenge was really hard! But it was fun and I enjoyed seeing where my mind went. I tried to correct these and apologize for any errors that remain. Between speed typing and ignoring punctuation in order to get my thoughts down, it was a hefty job.
{ Traveling Wilburys – End of the Line – 3:30 }
“Nigel?”
“Astute as ever kid, now let me in.”
“But, but, what the hell Nigel?”
“Do you have anything to eat? Who am I kidding, of course you do.”
Nigel threw his coat over the back of her ratty couch and proceeded to pillage the refrigerator. Through a mouthful of cottage cheese, he smiled at her.
“Miranda fired me. I’ve lost my job, my apartment, and thanks to this economy my savings. And it’s your fault.”
“My fault!”
“You were the one that pissed her off and on my account too. Thanks for the righteous indignation Andy. Seriously, thanks a lot. You couldn’t have just had hate sex and gotten it over with?”
Andy sputtered. “Hate sex?”
“Oh don’t tell me you didn’t fantasize. The both of you.” He motioned towards the couch. “Does that green monstrosity pull out?”
“What? No. Look Nigel as nice as this has been, I’m going back to bed and you’re leaving.”
“Think again six. I’m here to stay.”
“You’re drunk.”
“Maybe.” Nigel glided past her into the bedroom.
Andy shook herself and on autopilot bolted the door and turned the kitchen light off. She was too tired to deal with this right now.
She slipped off her robe and curled up on the opposite side of the bed from Nigel. Just as she started to relax, he snuggled up beside her.
“You’re spooning me Nigel.”
“Yep.”
“You’re not wearing pants.”
“Right again.”
“Did you bring a salami to bed with you?”
“Nope.”
“Ah, Nigel?”
“Tell me about Christian Thompson.”
{ Michael Franti & Spearhead – Say Hey (I Love You) – 3:56 }
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going now?”
“Not on your life.”
“Please.”
“No.”
They rode in silence through the traffic. If she shut her eyes and didn’t breathe, she could almost pretend that they weren’t in a cab. It reeked of stale sweat and pastrami. If she could only bottle the smell, she’d make a fortune; one whiff and you’d never want to eat again.
“If you won’t tell me where we’re going, at least tell me if I’m dressed appropriately.”
Serena turned her gaze from the window and slowly licked her from head to toe with her eyes. When she was finished she ran her tongue around her lips and smacked them together puckishly.
“Emily darling, if we weren’t in the back of a cab, I would eat you up this instant. You simply look delicious.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
Serena shook her head. “The only way you could be dressed more appropriately would be to wear nothing at all.”
The cab veered a little too hard to the left, jolting its occupants.
Emily used her best Miranda glare to chastise the driver. He looked apologetically into the rearview mirror.
“Ah sorry ‘bout that ladies. There was a wet pussy, ah I mean hot cunt, errr no sorry, sexy twat, goddammit! There was a, fuck. There was a cat in the road, sorry.”
Emily sniffed.
Serena smirked at her and returned to gazing out the window.
Minutes later, the cab pulled away from the curb to reveal a dirty little club across the street. No wonder Serena hadn’t told her where they going.
“Coming love?”
“I see why you kept quiet.”
“Do you know what’s missing from your life Emily?” Serena didn’t wait for her to answer. “Adventure. Now let’s samba until you break my delicate little English teacup.”
Emily admired the sway of Serena’s hips as she crossed the street. Thank god she had tivoed every episode of Dancing With The Stars.
{ Gomez – See the World – 4:04 }
Andy banged her head on the bar, oblivious to the look the bartender shot her. What had she done? Maybe she could fish the phone out of the fountain and beg Miranda’s forgiveness? No, that was out of the question.
And her life? Her life was over. Miranda would blacklist her.
Nate was probably packing up his shit as she sat here. Andy laughed. Nate. She couldn’t pretend to be sad that their relationship was over.
But how would she pay for the apartment on her own and without a job? She was not going back to Cincinnati.
Andy felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up.
She could feels her eyes turn into saucers at the familiar face. “Ms. Follet?”
“Jacqueline, please.”
“Okay, Jacqueline. Is there something I can do for you?”
“It’s Andrea right?”
She spoke her name in the same affected, drawn out way Miranda did. Her stomach roiled.
“Andy, please.”
“Andy. I like it better I think.” Jacqueline seemed to roll her abbreviated name around her tongue like a hard candy.
Andy liked the sound of it better too.
“Why are you not with Miranda?”
Tears pooled in her eyes. “I quit.”
“Oh, ma chère, no tears for that. You should be celebrating.” Jacqueline sat down beside her.
Andy studied the woman. She’d always liked her hair.
“Celebrating? You just lost out on a chance to be the editor of Runway. How can you say that?”
“I didn’t lose out, as you say. I chose another road. If I took Miranda’s position now, I would always be second best. You too.”
“I—”
Jacqueline shook her head and gave Andy a kind smile. “But let’s not speak of Miranda. So, you and Christian Thompson?”
“Let’s not speak of him either.”
“Yes, he is rather lacking as lovers go. Too caught up in himself and his own pleasure to be, effective. You agree, no?”
Andy groaned. “I agree, yes.”
“You and Miranda?” Jacqueline ran her finger lightly up and down Andy’s arm.
“What? No!”
Jacqueline gave her a knowing look.
“So what will you do now?”
“I have no idea.”
“You will need a plan.”
“And you’re going to help me with that I suppose?”
Jacqueline stood and offered her arm. A brief calculated smile that reminded her of Miranda played across Jacqueline’s face, but then it was gone. Jacqueline’s eyes sparkled.
Andy really did love her hair and she was younger than Miranda, perhaps second best was better than no best at all.
Andy stood and linked arms with the enemy. No, that wasn’t right. Jacqueline was Miranda’s enemy. Andy had always found her quite fetching in an exotic way.
She gave Jacqueline an impish grin. “Au revoir Miranda. Au revoir Andrea.”
Jacqueline’s laughter tickled her ear. “Now we celebrate.”
{ Billy Preston – Nothing from Nothing – 2:36 }
Nigel stood in the doorway and cleared his throat.
Miranda looked up from her desk. The glow from her laptop made her look positively demonic.
“Ah you’re here. Good. Thanks for coming Nigel.”
She motioned him in. The whole situation was just odd. Lights dimmed, no staff, he didn’t even remember seeing a security guard and at this hour certainly there should be a cleaning crew about.
“I won’t waste your time with niceties. It’s Friday night. It’s late. So I’ll cut right to the chase.”
Nigel nodded at her.
Miranda cleared her throat and for the briefest moment looked almost uncertain. “Stephen wants me to ‘peg’ him.”
“Excuse me?”
“Come now Nigel, surely you know what the term means.”
“I, yes Miranda, I know what it means. I just, forgive me, but, why am I here?”
“Practice of course. I had to look up the word myself. But I must say, the idea of ramming something up Stephen’s ass is the first sexually appealing thing he’s suggested in months.”
Nigel was shell-shocked. “Did you say practice?”
“Well, I certainly don’t want to be fumbling around with Stephen.” She reached into a paper bag at her feet and retrieved a black strap-on. “You’re gay. You know about these things. It’s only logical.”
“Yes I’m gay. G-A-Y, gay. I prefer the company of men. And if you think I’m going to—”
She cut him off with a roll of her eyes. “Oh please Nigel, you take it up the ass from me everyday. This is just a more literal translation of your job duties.”
He was incensed, but the idea of Miranda topping him began to niggle pleasantly at the back of his mind. It had been more than a while since he had any. And perhaps “any” was better than none at all.
“So what do you say, Nigel, are you up for it?”
He looked at her. “Make me your bitch Miranda.”
“Excellent.”
{ Depeche Mode – Blasphemous Rumors – 6:22 }
Andy wandered aimlessly for several minutes before heading in the direction of the hotel. What had she been thinking?
It didn’t matter. She wasn’t like Miranda. She wouldn’t be like Miranda. She had to stop thinking about Miranda. It made her chest hurt.
Walking into the hotel lobby she caught sight of a familiar bald head and glasses.
“Nigel.”
He turned slightly before stepping into the elevator. Andy ran to catch up with him and managed to dash in just as the doors closed.
She was a bit breathless. “Nigel, hi, I’m glad I caught up with you.”
“So am I. Miranda sent me back here to make sure you were packed and out of the hotel by the time she gets back.”
“Oh.”
“Yes, she mentioned something about you walking away without a word and tossing your phone in a fountain.” Nigel raised an imperious eyebrow.
“What choice did I have? I can’t do this anymore Nigel, not after what she did to you today.”
“Really? Well I hate to break it to you kid, you quit for nothing. Today was all part of an elaborate sex game between Miranda, Irv and I.”
The elevator doors pinged open. Andy was too stunned to move right away. She sprang out just before the doors closed and ran down the hall to where Nigel stood, impatiently drumming his fingers against her doorframe.
She fumbled for her room key. “A game?”
“Of course it’s a game. Irv likes to be dominated. Miranda likes to dominate.”
“What are you saying Nigel? Irv hates Miranda.” Andy finally got the door open.
“Sure he does, but that’s part of the fun. If Miranda can’t outsmart and out maneuver him in real life, what good would she be in the bedroom?” Nigel let the door swing shut behind him.
Andy knew her mouth was hanging open as she watched Nigel grab her suitcase. He began tossing her clothes into the bag.
“Where do I fit in you might ask? I’m just a big gay sissy boy with a diaper fetish. Sure Irv pretends to hate it when Miranda makes him diaper me, but I’ve seen the results. Rock hard is an understatement.”
Nigel paused to look at his nails. “I can’t wait for this evening. Maybe you’d like to join in Andy. I’m sure you’d be able to redeem yourself if you let Miranda piss in your mouth.”
He finally looked at her. “But judging from the way it’s been hanging open I’d say you already know how much of a turn on it is to get a golden shower from the ice queen.”
Andy snapped her mouth shut. “Nigel I can’t believe—“
“Believe what? Can’t believe that you quit your job for no good reason?” He walked into the bathroom. She could see his reflection in the mirror as he collected her toothbrush and shampoo and carelessly tossed them in her toiletries bag.
“That’s not true Nigel! I quite because of the way Miranda treats people, the way she treated you. We’re friends right?”
Desperately, she looked to Nigel for confirmation. He waltzed out of the bathroom, tossed her toiletry bag in her suitcase and started picking up her shoes.
“We were co-workers Andy, hardly friends.”
“I don’t believe you. Not about that and not about some fucked up sex game you play with Miranda and Irv.”
“Well at least you’re not that gullible.” Nigel zipped her suitcase and set it on the floor. “All set here. Emily arranged for a return flight from New York. You need to leave now in order to get to the airport on time.”
“Nigel?”
“You’ve got a strange idea of friendship. You didn’t do me any favors by walking out on your responsibilities. As if my humiliation today wasn’t enough, I now get to spend the week filling in for you. A friend would have stayed to offer support, at the very least to do her job.”
Andy couldn’t look at him as she took the handle of her bag.
“You’re just a naïve kid Andy. Life is about dominance and control. Take a good, hard look at me. You don’t see me quitting in a huff of righteous indignation. And I’m the one that got screwed over, again I might add. But I’m an adult with a mortgage and a reputation and I don’t have the luxury of running away because the world fucked me.”
She wanted to say something. To say she was sorry, that she hadn’t been thinking, but when she opened her mouth nothing came out.
Nigel held up his hand. “There is nothing for you to say. You’ve got a flight to catch.”
Andy nodded at him and turned away. The tears began to fall the minute she shut the hotel room door.
Rating: C for Crack (but also bad language & sexually suggestive situations)
Pairing: a mixed bag to be sure
Summary: Thanks to
kitnkabootle for the challenge! And thanks to everyone that’s posted theirs. I’m looking forward to reading them all along with the Valentines Day stories.Disclaimer: I am not the creator of the characters in this story. That credit goes to Lauren Weisberger, for the novel she wrote in 2003 and to 20th Century Fox, for the movie produced in 2006.
A/N: This challenge was really hard! But it was fun and I enjoyed seeing where my mind went. I tried to correct these and apologize for any errors that remain. Between speed typing and ignoring punctuation in order to get my thoughts down, it was a hefty job.
{ Traveling Wilburys – End of the Line – 3:30 }
“Nigel?”
“Astute as ever kid, now let me in.”
“But, but, what the hell Nigel?”
“Do you have anything to eat? Who am I kidding, of course you do.”
Nigel threw his coat over the back of her ratty couch and proceeded to pillage the refrigerator. Through a mouthful of cottage cheese, he smiled at her.
“Miranda fired me. I’ve lost my job, my apartment, and thanks to this economy my savings. And it’s your fault.”
“My fault!”
“You were the one that pissed her off and on my account too. Thanks for the righteous indignation Andy. Seriously, thanks a lot. You couldn’t have just had hate sex and gotten it over with?”
Andy sputtered. “Hate sex?”
“Oh don’t tell me you didn’t fantasize. The both of you.” He motioned towards the couch. “Does that green monstrosity pull out?”
“What? No. Look Nigel as nice as this has been, I’m going back to bed and you’re leaving.”
“Think again six. I’m here to stay.”
“You’re drunk.”
“Maybe.” Nigel glided past her into the bedroom.
Andy shook herself and on autopilot bolted the door and turned the kitchen light off. She was too tired to deal with this right now.
She slipped off her robe and curled up on the opposite side of the bed from Nigel. Just as she started to relax, he snuggled up beside her.
“You’re spooning me Nigel.”
“Yep.”
“You’re not wearing pants.”
“Right again.”
“Did you bring a salami to bed with you?”
“Nope.”
“Ah, Nigel?”
“Tell me about Christian Thompson.”
{ Michael Franti & Spearhead – Say Hey (I Love You) – 3:56 }
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going now?”
“Not on your life.”
“Please.”
“No.”
They rode in silence through the traffic. If she shut her eyes and didn’t breathe, she could almost pretend that they weren’t in a cab. It reeked of stale sweat and pastrami. If she could only bottle the smell, she’d make a fortune; one whiff and you’d never want to eat again.
“If you won’t tell me where we’re going, at least tell me if I’m dressed appropriately.”
Serena turned her gaze from the window and slowly licked her from head to toe with her eyes. When she was finished she ran her tongue around her lips and smacked them together puckishly.
“Emily darling, if we weren’t in the back of a cab, I would eat you up this instant. You simply look delicious.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
Serena shook her head. “The only way you could be dressed more appropriately would be to wear nothing at all.”
The cab veered a little too hard to the left, jolting its occupants.
Emily used her best Miranda glare to chastise the driver. He looked apologetically into the rearview mirror.
“Ah sorry ‘bout that ladies. There was a wet pussy, ah I mean hot cunt, errr no sorry, sexy twat, goddammit! There was a, fuck. There was a cat in the road, sorry.”
Emily sniffed.
Serena smirked at her and returned to gazing out the window.
Minutes later, the cab pulled away from the curb to reveal a dirty little club across the street. No wonder Serena hadn’t told her where they going.
“Coming love?”
“I see why you kept quiet.”
“Do you know what’s missing from your life Emily?” Serena didn’t wait for her to answer. “Adventure. Now let’s samba until you break my delicate little English teacup.”
Emily admired the sway of Serena’s hips as she crossed the street. Thank god she had tivoed every episode of Dancing With The Stars.
{ Gomez – See the World – 4:04 }
Andy banged her head on the bar, oblivious to the look the bartender shot her. What had she done? Maybe she could fish the phone out of the fountain and beg Miranda’s forgiveness? No, that was out of the question.
And her life? Her life was over. Miranda would blacklist her.
Nate was probably packing up his shit as she sat here. Andy laughed. Nate. She couldn’t pretend to be sad that their relationship was over.
But how would she pay for the apartment on her own and without a job? She was not going back to Cincinnati.
Andy felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up.
She could feels her eyes turn into saucers at the familiar face. “Ms. Follet?”
“Jacqueline, please.”
“Okay, Jacqueline. Is there something I can do for you?”
“It’s Andrea right?”
She spoke her name in the same affected, drawn out way Miranda did. Her stomach roiled.
“Andy, please.”
“Andy. I like it better I think.” Jacqueline seemed to roll her abbreviated name around her tongue like a hard candy.
Andy liked the sound of it better too.
“Why are you not with Miranda?”
Tears pooled in her eyes. “I quit.”
“Oh, ma chère, no tears for that. You should be celebrating.” Jacqueline sat down beside her.
Andy studied the woman. She’d always liked her hair.
“Celebrating? You just lost out on a chance to be the editor of Runway. How can you say that?”
“I didn’t lose out, as you say. I chose another road. If I took Miranda’s position now, I would always be second best. You too.”
“I—”
Jacqueline shook her head and gave Andy a kind smile. “But let’s not speak of Miranda. So, you and Christian Thompson?”
“Let’s not speak of him either.”
“Yes, he is rather lacking as lovers go. Too caught up in himself and his own pleasure to be, effective. You agree, no?”
Andy groaned. “I agree, yes.”
“You and Miranda?” Jacqueline ran her finger lightly up and down Andy’s arm.
“What? No!”
Jacqueline gave her a knowing look.
“So what will you do now?”
“I have no idea.”
“You will need a plan.”
“And you’re going to help me with that I suppose?”
Jacqueline stood and offered her arm. A brief calculated smile that reminded her of Miranda played across Jacqueline’s face, but then it was gone. Jacqueline’s eyes sparkled.
Andy really did love her hair and she was younger than Miranda, perhaps second best was better than no best at all.
Andy stood and linked arms with the enemy. No, that wasn’t right. Jacqueline was Miranda’s enemy. Andy had always found her quite fetching in an exotic way.
She gave Jacqueline an impish grin. “Au revoir Miranda. Au revoir Andrea.”
Jacqueline’s laughter tickled her ear. “Now we celebrate.”
{ Billy Preston – Nothing from Nothing – 2:36 }
Nigel stood in the doorway and cleared his throat.
Miranda looked up from her desk. The glow from her laptop made her look positively demonic.
“Ah you’re here. Good. Thanks for coming Nigel.”
She motioned him in. The whole situation was just odd. Lights dimmed, no staff, he didn’t even remember seeing a security guard and at this hour certainly there should be a cleaning crew about.
“I won’t waste your time with niceties. It’s Friday night. It’s late. So I’ll cut right to the chase.”
Nigel nodded at her.
Miranda cleared her throat and for the briefest moment looked almost uncertain. “Stephen wants me to ‘peg’ him.”
“Excuse me?”
“Come now Nigel, surely you know what the term means.”
“I, yes Miranda, I know what it means. I just, forgive me, but, why am I here?”
“Practice of course. I had to look up the word myself. But I must say, the idea of ramming something up Stephen’s ass is the first sexually appealing thing he’s suggested in months.”
Nigel was shell-shocked. “Did you say practice?”
“Well, I certainly don’t want to be fumbling around with Stephen.” She reached into a paper bag at her feet and retrieved a black strap-on. “You’re gay. You know about these things. It’s only logical.”
“Yes I’m gay. G-A-Y, gay. I prefer the company of men. And if you think I’m going to—”
She cut him off with a roll of her eyes. “Oh please Nigel, you take it up the ass from me everyday. This is just a more literal translation of your job duties.”
He was incensed, but the idea of Miranda topping him began to niggle pleasantly at the back of his mind. It had been more than a while since he had any. And perhaps “any” was better than none at all.
“So what do you say, Nigel, are you up for it?”
He looked at her. “Make me your bitch Miranda.”
“Excellent.”
{ Depeche Mode – Blasphemous Rumors – 6:22 }
Andy wandered aimlessly for several minutes before heading in the direction of the hotel. What had she been thinking?
It didn’t matter. She wasn’t like Miranda. She wouldn’t be like Miranda. She had to stop thinking about Miranda. It made her chest hurt.
Walking into the hotel lobby she caught sight of a familiar bald head and glasses.
“Nigel.”
He turned slightly before stepping into the elevator. Andy ran to catch up with him and managed to dash in just as the doors closed.
She was a bit breathless. “Nigel, hi, I’m glad I caught up with you.”
“So am I. Miranda sent me back here to make sure you were packed and out of the hotel by the time she gets back.”
“Oh.”
“Yes, she mentioned something about you walking away without a word and tossing your phone in a fountain.” Nigel raised an imperious eyebrow.
“What choice did I have? I can’t do this anymore Nigel, not after what she did to you today.”
“Really? Well I hate to break it to you kid, you quit for nothing. Today was all part of an elaborate sex game between Miranda, Irv and I.”
The elevator doors pinged open. Andy was too stunned to move right away. She sprang out just before the doors closed and ran down the hall to where Nigel stood, impatiently drumming his fingers against her doorframe.
She fumbled for her room key. “A game?”
“Of course it’s a game. Irv likes to be dominated. Miranda likes to dominate.”
“What are you saying Nigel? Irv hates Miranda.” Andy finally got the door open.
“Sure he does, but that’s part of the fun. If Miranda can’t outsmart and out maneuver him in real life, what good would she be in the bedroom?” Nigel let the door swing shut behind him.
Andy knew her mouth was hanging open as she watched Nigel grab her suitcase. He began tossing her clothes into the bag.
“Where do I fit in you might ask? I’m just a big gay sissy boy with a diaper fetish. Sure Irv pretends to hate it when Miranda makes him diaper me, but I’ve seen the results. Rock hard is an understatement.”
Nigel paused to look at his nails. “I can’t wait for this evening. Maybe you’d like to join in Andy. I’m sure you’d be able to redeem yourself if you let Miranda piss in your mouth.”
He finally looked at her. “But judging from the way it’s been hanging open I’d say you already know how much of a turn on it is to get a golden shower from the ice queen.”
Andy snapped her mouth shut. “Nigel I can’t believe—“
“Believe what? Can’t believe that you quit your job for no good reason?” He walked into the bathroom. She could see his reflection in the mirror as he collected her toothbrush and shampoo and carelessly tossed them in her toiletries bag.
“That’s not true Nigel! I quite because of the way Miranda treats people, the way she treated you. We’re friends right?”
Desperately, she looked to Nigel for confirmation. He waltzed out of the bathroom, tossed her toiletry bag in her suitcase and started picking up her shoes.
“We were co-workers Andy, hardly friends.”
“I don’t believe you. Not about that and not about some fucked up sex game you play with Miranda and Irv.”
“Well at least you’re not that gullible.” Nigel zipped her suitcase and set it on the floor. “All set here. Emily arranged for a return flight from New York. You need to leave now in order to get to the airport on time.”
“Nigel?”
“You’ve got a strange idea of friendship. You didn’t do me any favors by walking out on your responsibilities. As if my humiliation today wasn’t enough, I now get to spend the week filling in for you. A friend would have stayed to offer support, at the very least to do her job.”
Andy couldn’t look at him as she took the handle of her bag.
“You’re just a naïve kid Andy. Life is about dominance and control. Take a good, hard look at me. You don’t see me quitting in a huff of righteous indignation. And I’m the one that got screwed over, again I might add. But I’m an adult with a mortgage and a reputation and I don’t have the luxury of running away because the world fucked me.”
She wanted to say something. To say she was sorry, that she hadn’t been thinking, but when she opened her mouth nothing came out.
Nigel held up his hand. “There is nothing for you to say. You’ve got a flight to catch.”
Andy nodded at him and turned away. The tears began to fall the minute she shut the hotel room door.
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